I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
you made out with another girl for some wings
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
