I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
