Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
