I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
