what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
