I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
