i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
