i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
