Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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