Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I got her a Nickelback box set.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
