I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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