you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
