I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
