It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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