There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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