Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
