Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
