Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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