i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize