She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
