My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
