She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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