I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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