He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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