My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
