lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize