Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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