This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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