Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
