she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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