Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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