two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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