ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
