Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
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