So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
