if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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