Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
