Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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