Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize