you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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