Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
