I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
my nose is crying tears of wow.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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