escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
