I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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