I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
