I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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