It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
