I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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