she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
