that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
