Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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