i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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