yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
