dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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