party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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