I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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