It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
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