Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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