Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
