You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
