Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Small penises have feelings too.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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