There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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