Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
