you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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